Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
