Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
