I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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