3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
