i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
