a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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