So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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