fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
