my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
