Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
