Can i not drive my cunt home
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
