Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
