He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
