I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
