my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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