My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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