dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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