Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
