Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
