She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
