Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
