Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
