Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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