we're chasing vodka with high fives
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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