This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
