One girl and one boy is just not enough.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
