NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
