Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
