I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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