I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
