I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize