Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
