but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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