Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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