Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I had to cum in my sink.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
