A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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