Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize