im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
two words: eviction party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
