My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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