i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
