Are we in a gay sports bar?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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