As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
