I could have mohawked her pubes.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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