I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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