come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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