She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She's the barista slut.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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