you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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