I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
