And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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