then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
