if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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