I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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