I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
