i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
