tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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