i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
