there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
