??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
